Of Songbirds Somewhere
“Your head is a living forest full of songbirds.”
Unread guidebooks strewn across both the coffee table and the kitchen table, crumpled used road maps with markers of previous destinations, and a 90 day calendar with tiny, removable stickie notes waiting to be organized in some fashion, sit before me.
“Somewhereness” comes to mind, with its dictionary description of a “state of existing in a place that is unknown”, or in this moment, “cannot be pinpointed”. It is in this somewhereness, I exist - for now.
Many, with whom I’ve had the opportunity to listen to their innermost thoughts for the past 27 years of private practice, absorb this idea (that which is unknown) as somewhat scary, even anxiety provoking and hence self-limiting. I have learned in the past several weeks of anticipation, that this idea of an empty unknown space, while uncomfortable, is exactly where I need to be, want to be. Taking this step back, will provide me greater vision of my mission; my purpose.
Sure, there is the utmost concern for client care; albeit, my explanation for unread guidebooks that may lead to some future direction, instead I continue to fill my work calendar to the brim. While my concerns for care are valid, I hold the key to all of the anxieties I have absorbed throughout the decades for others to alleviate their own discomfort. As a container of hundreds of clients’ fears, secrets, grief, and worries over the years, it seems like the right place to land - an emptying of space into empty space in the land of Somewhereness that I share with a living forest and songbirds. I enter this empty land to drop my container of goods so that I may return with so much more internal room for which I am able to pursue, with new depth, another person’s need to empty their own uncomfortable collection once again.
My hope for lessons from this experience: to be brave, to face fear head on, to acknowledge the disappointments, to embrace uncertainty with fierce excitement, to leave expectations behind, and to be open and available to absolutely anything possible!
All 17 pounds of backpack essentials for 90 days will be a reminder that there isn’t that much we really need with the exception of the capacity to love, to give, to receive, to forgive, and to exchange in communion with each other and ourselves.
I will set my songbirds free in Somewhereness to make room to continue my purpose, my mission: to make a positive difference in another’s life.